I am a writer, I have been many things in my life, things when I was growing up you probably thought were nonsense, hence why I was relatively quite about this.The truth is mum, you and I were always like Sisters or Best Friends,You are the one I tell those things you wouldn’t want your Dad knowing.I can tell you when I have “met a new fella” and he is Portuguese and older and I’m going to live with him in Ireland,or again 2 years later when I have found the man I want to marry and we have known each other a matter of weeks. I can talk to you about the naughty stuff and about my periods and all that grossness.You are the Mum that lent me vinyls to listen to at full volume and piss Grandma off.
The mother I had was your mother and she was the sweetest mamma ever, you know it,she raised you! I am more her than you, in fact I am like if her and pops had a kid.
It hurts me that I don’t have more of you inside of me, It hurts me that I was the one chance you ever got at being a Mum and circumstances lead to you being a working Mum,always too tired to really deal with the heavy stuff.
But here is what I never told you
I ADMIRE YOU.
What you did to give me any semblance of a childhood was the most selfless thing anyone ever did for me,you and my Father gave everything for me to be who I am living a carefree life doing what I love in multiple other countries
For stepping aside and letting Grandma take the reins
For working that shitty job my entire life to pay a mortgage and make savings for me.
It is OK
That things turned bad when I was 16, I don’t hold it against you anymore,the money you took was your money that you worked you whole life to give to me.
I admire you and thank you,
I just wish we could have had that Mother and Daughter thing I had with Grandma.